


No One's Here to Sleep

by brizamartian



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Feels, General Sadness & Sorrow, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Kinda, Lots of tears, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Past Relationship(s), Sad with a Happy Ending, So Much Metaphor, Terribly Sad Phone-calls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-17 03:35:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4650747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brizamartian/pseuds/brizamartian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was Daiki's best friend first; he was Taiga's best friend last.</p><p>Or; the one where Kuroko left and never came back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Surprises

**Author's Note:**

> *Sighs* I wrote the first 2 1/2 chapters of this MONTHS ago, and never posted it because (A) I wasn't finished with "Wild Eyes" and (B) It's just so fucking sad I couldn't work with it for a while. BUT, I started looking at it again and I realized that I actually kinda like it, so here we are. The title (and kinda the whole fic) is inspired by a song of the same name. Each chapter is also inspired in some way by a song. While in no way necessary, I recommend listening to the chapter song because it sets the mood for the ensuing chapter. If you haven't got the time, I also put a little snippet of the song in the beginning of each chapter. WARNING, this is SAD. I mean it. If you don't want sad, sappy, angst, don't read because that's pretty much going to be 4/5 of this fic. If you're good with that, then bear with me!

This is my final fit  
My final bellyache  
With no alarms and no surprises  
No alarms and no surprises  
No alarms and no surprises please

\- _No Surprises_ , Radiohead

# ****

Kuroko left practice that night the same way he always leaves practice. He said his quiet goodbyes to everyone, took Nigou in his arms and shuffled out quietly.

Taiga had asked him if he wanted to stop in at Maji Burger and grab dinner together, but Kuroko had politely declined. 

Taiga thought very little of it. Kuroko was tired and it’s not like they hung out all the time after practice. So Taiga just provided a gruff goodbye in return and decided to hang around and practice a bit more. 

Twenty minutes later, he left. Walking home in the quiet, eerily still night air. 

Something was off about that night, but Taiga was neither alert enough nor perceptive enough at the time to try and place his feeling of unease. All he wanted was to go home, eat food, and let his bed devour him whole for the night, hopefully, putting the Inter-High firmly from his mind. 

He found his face pulled into a frown as he searched for his keys. No logical explanation for it, and this sent him frowning deeper. He stepped inside and ate whatever was convenient in his fridge, not tasting the food at all.

He hurried to bed, somehow eager to get the night over with and see the light of morning.

# ****

The feeling had not dissipated.

If anything, it was worse.

He took large breathes, thinking his could drown the feeling from his chest, but it didn’t work. 

His stomach felt low in his body, and he forwent breakfast, something unheard of for him, and made his way to morning practice with a kind of illogical urgency, as if getting there would fix everything.

It was cold. Wet heavy air clung to him, sky dark and on the verge of rain when he entered the gym, and he knew.

Riko looked up at him with a sharp gasp like something shattering, face red and wet with tears, body seemingly almost collapsed into Hyuga’s rigid form.

The rigidity had a sense of falseness; Hyuga’s face tight, unhappy lines around his mouth. It looked like if he relaxed for even a second, he’d fall to nothing, and who then would hold Riko up?

“Kagami,” she said, voice like broken china. “Kagami, oh god, I…I don’t…” she looked up helplessly at Hyuga, like maybe he had an answer, but he was staring off somewhere, looking grim. She swallowed once. “Kagami. I don’t even know how to say it…I don’t, but Kuroko…” She winced from some unseen pain. “Kuroko is dead.” She winced again after the last word seemed to ricochet through her body, coming out of her mouth battered and almost unintelligible. 

Taiga heard it though. Like a bell chiming the hour he’d already know. The heavy, blanket like wrongness takes shape.

“Kuroko,” he said. 

Riko started sobbing. Hyuga wrapped his arms tighter around her, still looking somewhere else.

The forms and faces and sounds of his other teammates had finally come into view. He hadn’t been able to see them before, but there they were, all grieving, lost, helpless.

“Kuroko,” he repeated. “Kuroko.”

# ****

Taiga now sits on the floor of the gym, aware of the other people around him, yet completely and utterly _alone._ He sets the facts he knows up in his mind as neatly as he can in an effort to understand the unfathomable.

Kuroko left practice last night at around 7:35 P.M. Taiga left at around 8:00 P.M. 

Kuroko had been hit by a car at about 7:45 P.M., which means Taiga was still in the gym, practicing at the time. Oblivious as his best friend stepped one foot into the grave.

Kuroko didn’t die right away. Riko found out his time of death: 8:24 P.M. 

Taiga may have been frowning at his door at the time. Maybe eating, but not tasting. Or lying in bed trying to get the wrongness out. He’s not exactly sure.

Kuroko, as far as he knows, stepped into the street while the light for oncoming traffic was still green.

Maybe he wasn’t paying attention.

Maybe he was preoccupied.

Either way, _apparently_ it was “his fault” not that of the driver. 

Just thinking like that made Taiga grateful he hadn’t forced anything into his stomach that morning, because had he, it’d already be all over the floor. He could barely suppress his dry heaving at this point.

The thought of Kuroko on the pavement, bloody, not quite dead, maybe still conscious, maybe wondering what had happened and why he hurt so much.

Was he scared? Was he afraid of death? Was he angry that he was dying on the street at the age of sixteen with so much to live for? 

Taiga’s stomach heaves again and he presses his hands over his middle, holding himself tightly, afraid he’ll fall apart. 

They said he’d died from his head injuries, but the list of other injuries was long. Too long to remember. Broken bones, lacerations from where those bones protruded, white and angry from his already pale skin. Internal bleeding, and so many brain injuries with so many different long names no one had any hope of remembering them all. 

The only thing he remembers is something about bits of skull shoved in his brain.

The thought keeps coming back on an endless, terrifying loop: Kuroko’s sharp mind reduced to nothing by sharp bits of bone from his own head. That was what ultimately killed him. 

Taiga doubles over, unable to breath and not really wanting to. Stars dance in front of his vision and he wonders if he’ll pass out. He’d like that.

He hears a terrible keening noise from his right and recognizes it as Riko.

It’s horrible and tragic and makes Taiga wish he were deaf and blind and dead.

# ****

The school counselor lets them all go for the day — Friday — So they have the weekend to “grieve”, “mourn”, “recuperate”, whatever finality they think will occur over three days. As if after a short reprieve, they can all just forget and move on. 

Right now, walking home in a gray haze, Taiga can’t imagine getting over anything ever. He’s checking over his shoulder every now and again, hoping Kuroko will appear from thin air as always and tell him there’s been a terrible mistake. Possibly admonish him for being dumb and thinking him dead. Telling him, _showing_ him there are no bits of skull in his brain, his bright blue hair unharmed, pretty blue eyes alive and a small, rare smile on his lips. 

He wants that, wants it so bad he can’t breath right.

He makes his way into his apartment.

It feels like an eternity since he’s been here even though he left a mere two hours before.

Two hours.

He’s only known Kuroko’s…gone, for two hours.

He could’ve been crying his whole life.

He lays down on the couch, too unmotivated to go to bed, or do anything else at all for that matter. 

He thinks about Kuroko. Can’t stop thinking about him. Can’t stop running the idea that he’s dead over and over again like he’ll find something different, some better outcome, reality, whatever, that isn’t _this_ , because _this_ can’t be real. 

Kuroko was alive yesterday.

He smiled at Taiga four times.

He remembers because he’d started keeping track. He doesn’t know when he’d started doing that, but he had. Maybe it was at the same time he realized that his smiles left Taiga feeling unsteady and giddy. 

That smile was firmly planted behind his eyes.

The slight flush of his cheeks Taiga’s seen once or twice dances around his brain. 

The pale curve of his neck had Taiga’s fingers twitching to reach out an touch the etherial image his mind created.

He never said anything about any of that. 

Why would he? It was strange and new and wrong and probably never going to become anything other than a brief, misplaced longing. But now…now he’ll never know the curve of his neck against his fingers. He’ll never see the smile again, the blush, the _anything_ of his best friend ever again.

Taiga curls up tight, hoping maybe making himself smaller will make the pain smaller too.

It doesn’t. It gets worse and worse and worse the more his mind runs and runs, and ever so slowly begins to wrap itself around the fact that Kuroko is actually, permanently, irrevocably, _gone._

A sound he didn’t know could come from a human comes from him then, a twisted, unbearable noise of complete agony. 

He squeezes himself smaller still, this time in an effort to make himself disappear. 

# ****

It’s evening when he finally checks the time. In three hours it will be exactly one day since Kuroko died. 

The thought alone has him in tears so fast it makes him dizzy. His hiccuping sobs do nothing to fill his lungs properly, but he can’t bring himself to care.

He cries himself out again after about an hour, and the doorbell rings.

He doesn’t want to see anyone, so he ignores it, but then the person knocks insistently.

“Police,” they announce. 

For just a brief moment, Taiga feels a sharp pang of panic through his sadness, but it fades. He honestly doesn’t care about anything at all right now.

He answers the door.

There are two officers there, looking appropriately ashamed for bothering him.

He stares at them, hardly seeing.

The one on the left, the one who announced their presence, speaks up. “Kagami Taiga?” he asks.

Taiga produces a sharp, jerky nod.

“We’re very sorry for your loss. We hate to bother you, but we just had a couple of quick questions for you and…” the other officer reaches into a bag and produces a phone.

Taiga’s eyes widen slightly. Kuroko’s phone.

“This.” He hands Taiga the phone. 

Taiga stares at it, tears already threatening yet again. “Why?” he rasps.

“The family told us to give it to a friend. They were very distressed, as you can imagine. Perhaps they didn’t want to deal with telling Kuroko-kun’s other friends? You were at the top of the favorites list, so…” The officer looks downcast.

Taiga squeezes the phone tightly and nods again.

“We just wanted to know, and we’re sorry to have to ask this, but I’ve been told you were close: did Kuroko seem at all…upset, before he left practice last night? Distressed? Distracted, perhaps?”

Taiga struggles to think, but his mind works sluggishly, lost in on itself.

“He…might have been a bit distracted. Maybe,” he mutters. “But it’s hard to tell with him.” Taiga notices he’s just used the present tense and chokes a little. He tries to swallow around the pain. “Maybe, I mean not much more than usual, but a little. I asked him out to dinner and he didn’t want to go last night, but it’s not all that weird.” _Right?_ his mind inquired traitorously. Should he have seen something? Did he miss something? 

He’s supposed to be Kuroko’s best friend, and yet, could he have missed something glaringly obvious, something he should’ve noticed right away? _Something that could have saved him?_

The cops look at each other and then back to him. “Is there anything that might have been troubling him?” 

“I…I don’t know. We just- We just lost the Inter-High. I guess he was thinking about that, but…wait. You don’t think he…did this on purpose? Do you?” Taiga’s insides suddenly feel slimy and foreign and he wants to get ride of them. Throw them all up and be empty and hollow and lighter, because he’s just _too damn heavy._

“Unless we have some reason not to, we’re chalking it up to a tragic accident.” The other cop, the one who hadn’t spoke, says. “Is there any reason you can think that he’d contemplate suicide?”

Both Taiga and the other cop wince. The cop on the left looks like he wants to stop this line of questioning, but the one speaking soldiers on. “Family issues? School issues? Any bullying for any reason? Perhaps he was…struggling with something?”

“Struggling?” Taiga says in a daze, the very idea of Kuroko committing suicide is nothing short of horrifying, but the idea of him committing suicide and Taiga not seeing the signs, if there were any to be seen, is worse. “I…don’t know. I don’t think so.”

“Perhaps with his sexuality? It’s not uncommon,” the cop presses. The other gives him a look. “Just covering all the bases,” he replies reasonably. He probably misinterpreted the dinner comment. Taiga can’t really blame him. Thing is, it’s _him_ who might be struggling. He sincerely doubts Kuroko was anything but oblivious to Taiga’s feelings.

“No. No, it wasn’t…” he sighs and maybe it sounds a little bitter. “No. I really don’t think so,” he says.

They probably hear that bitterness because they both nod, assuming, rather correctly, that Taiga had feelings for his best friend and they weren’t reciprocated or even known.

“Right,” the cop on the left says, taking over again. “We’ll be on our way now. I’m not sure if all of Kuroko’s friends have been notified of…of his passing. If you’d like to…”

Taiga looks at the phone. “I…”

“If not,” he continues, “I’m sure they’ll be made aware soon. Again, our condolences.”

They turn and go and Taiga stands there at the door, unmoving for a few minutes before finally retreating back into his apartment.

He looks at the phone in his hand and blinks a few times. 

He takes a breath and flips it open. 

As the cop had said, Taiga’s name’s on the top of the favorite list along with just one other name.

Aomine Daiki.

Taiga shouldn’t be surprised really, but he is, just a bit, despite himself. He was under the impression that their relationship was strained, so he wonders if his contact info is there as a remnant of their past friendship or if this is something recent.

Taiga tries to breath evenly.

Using Kuroko’s phone feels like a trespass, but Aomine doesn’t know and for some reason, Taiga feels like he has to be the one to tell him. 

He’s the only other “favorite” contact, and though he doesn’t like the guy, he probably owes this to him. He can spare him the horror of getting the call from the police or some police related, unsympathetic bureaucrat.

He presses enter.

It rings once. “Hey Tetsu, haven’t heard from you in a while. Everything good?” Aomine’s deep drawl answers. 

Taiga clears his throat. “Actually, it’s me.” He doubts Aomine would forget his voice.

“Kagami? Why’re you calling me from Tetsu’s phone?” 

The silence that follows is puncturing. Taiga doesn’t know what to do.

“Kagami. Where’s Tetsu?” 

There’s an edge to it. Taiga speaks before he knows what he’s actually saying. “Come over to my place,” he says quickly, suddenly feeling crushingly, blindingly alone. “We…I’ve gotta talk to you.”

Aomine is silent on the other line. Taiga has no idea what he could be thinking.

Finally he says, a slight wobble to his voice. “Text me your address, I’ll be over in a bit.”


	2. Running Up That Hill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends. As always, thank you for the lovely, lovely comments and kudos lovely people. I apologize for the feels and I appreciate you sticking with me for more feels. So...here, have some more feels.

It doesn't hurt me.  
Do you want to feel how it feels?  
Do you want to know that it doesn't hurt me?  
Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making?  
You, it's you and me.

\- _Running Up That Hill_ , Kate Bush

# ****

There’s a knock at the door, brisk and insistent.

Taiga gets up slowly and makes his way to the door like the air is syrup; slow and blurry.

He opens it.

Aomine takes one look at him and his face takes on a panicked edge. “What the hell is going on, Kagami?” he demands.

Taiga steps back and turns around, entreating Aomine to follow. 

He does after a brief moment and Taiga sits down on the couch. After a slight hesitation, Aomine follows suite. 

Taiga should’ve thought this through better. Telling someone their former best friend is dead over the phone is one thing, telling them to their face is another, but…he had the strong, basic desire to share his pain with someone; to not be forced to sit alone in his apartment crying, but for someone to grieve with him. He wonders if it’s selfish.

Aomine will probably just leave right after anyway.

“Kagami. Where’s Tetsu?” Aomine asks for the second time that night.

Taiga opens his mouth to speak, his scarlet eyes meet Aomine’s blue ones, so unlike Kuroko’s, and he almost loses it right there.

“Oh, god,” Taiga’s voice breaks. “Oh, god.”

Aomine puts his hands on his shoulders, squeezing so tight it hurts. The pain’s good though, it grounds Taiga. “Kagami, what happened? What. Happened?”

Taiga’s breath hitches again, threatening to release itself as a sob, but he stamps it down. He owes him this. He should hear it from him. 

“Kuroko, he’s…dead. Kuroko…died. I…Kuroko died.” He starts crying again, can’t help it and can’t be bothered to care. Aomine’s hands are still on his shoulders. He’s shaking them slightly, or maybe he’s just shaking.

“What? What are you saying, Kagami? That doesn’t make sense.”

Taiga shakes his head, meeting his eyes again. 

Aomine looks back at him with confusion, but it’s rapidly giving way to the pain Taiga now knows too well. The slow, torturous realization of one simple fact: he’s _gone._

“That doesn’t make sense!” he yells.

Taiga can’t talk anymore, but he holds his eyes, shaking his head and sobbing almost silently now. His throat’s killing him, burning from all the crying he’s done, but he can’t stop it.

Tears start falling down Aomine’s cheeks almost leisurely. He probably isn’t even aware of them. 

“What are you saying?” he whispers, holding Taiga’s shoulders tighter still. “That doesn’t make sense.”

His eyes are wide, wider than Taiga’s ever seen them. They convey all the helplessness inside them both. Kuroko is gone and there’s nothing at all they can do. How can they be so fucking small? So fucking _powerless_?

“Kagami?” his voice finally breaks and it’s horrible. “Kagami?” he says his name like it’s a lifeline, but Kagami has no salvation to give, just the sound of his own heaving breaths and the assurance that their both swimming in this pain together.

“Kagami?” he says one more time before his name dissolves into a barely repressed sob. 

“I’m sorry,” Taiga says for that unnamed thing you apologize for while you grieve. You’re own inability to help, the inability to even help yourself, the weakness, the agony and anger, death itself. He says sorry for it like he knows he has to. “I’m sorry.”

Aomine shuts his eyes for a second, like that will block out reality, but it doesn’t work. Maybe the darkness is worse because his eyes fly open and he seeks out Taiga’s own, trying to hang onto _something_ and Taiga’s the only something there.

He looks like he’s searching for something; Taiga doesn’t know what.

He tries to speak but gets nothing out except more horrible, breaking and broken sounds.

Eventually he gives up and tips forward, his head ending up on Taiga’s shoulder.

Taiga leans right in, the presence of another human being suddenly becomes the most important thing in the world, forget who the human being is, he’ll take the comfort, lap it up greedily.

Aomine’s arms wind there way around him as he cries, probably unconsciously.

Taiga puts his arms around his neck and gets his tears all over Aomine’s shirt. 

Funny, Aomine’s is the last shoulder Taiga would expect to cry on, the last person on earth Taiga would expect to _need_ but in this moment right now, they’re drowning and it’s only them and all they can do is hang on for dear life.

# ****

Kagami falls asleep before Daiki does. Daiki almost doesn’t even realize he’s out until he feels Kagami’s breath go from the hiccuping, half-pants they were before to a slow, ocean-like in and out.

He shifts. Kagami’s cheek is resting of Daiki’s head, Daiki still in the crook of his neck. He wants to pull away, but his mind rejects the idea of not having something to hold onto, some kind of anchor. 

If he’s alone, he might lose it.

He doesn’t even know what “losing it” entails, but he knows himself; it would be _bad_. 

So he pulls away just a bit, arms still loosely hanging off of Kagami, and looks at him.

Even in sleep, Daiki can see the tenseness in his stupid fucking eyebrows; a deep frown frozen there even in slumber.

It can’t be good sleep, but Daiki’s not sure how long Kagami’s known about Kuroko’s — he can barely _think_ the word — death, so he’s probably had a very long, hard day. The hardest of his life.

Daiki takes a breath, hoping it doesn’t come back out full of tears, and pulls Kagami into a better position. 

Yes, he realizes he’s cuddling his biggest rival, but he’s so far past caring at this point it almost doesn’t register.

If he had any good humor left in him, he’d snort at the irony.

He tries to close his eyes and sleep too, if only to not have to feel the ice shard that’s taken up residence under his ribcage, but he can’t get his eyes to stop flicking around. He can’t stop thinking about Tetsu.

The last time he saw him was a week ago, after the Inter-High. 

Tetsu had called him out of the blue and asked to meet for dinner.

Daiki’d been a bit surprised, but he went along with it. The truth was, he missed him, more than he’d care to admit…

# ****

__

_Kise, reached over to put his arm around Tetsu._

__

__

_Daiki threw a ball at his head. It hit him squarely, of course._

__

_“Aominicci!” he whined._

__

_Daiki smirked and put his arm around Kuroko instead. “Wanna grab dinner?” he asked._

__

_Tetsu had smiled at him and Daiki smiled back. Then Tetsu said, “Aomine-kun is very possessive.”_

__

_Daiki scoffed. “What?”_

__

_Tetsu just kept on smiling that little smile at him and pressed a little bit closer. His warmth seeped into Daiki. His smile threatened to grow; his face almost hurt with the effort of keeping it in check._

__

__

__

_Having Tetsu close to him was one of his favorite things in the world._

__

_There was no reasonable explanation for it, but Daiki couldn’t be bothered with caring._

__

_“I am,” Daiki’d admitted._

__

_Tetsu tilted his head up to look at him. His small frame fit so perfectly against Daiki’s larger, lanky one. “I don’t mind,” Tetsu said, quietly._

__

_“Good.” Daiki squeezed his shoulder. “You know I can’t change.”_

__

_Tetsu got a strange look on his face. “I hope not,” he said candidly._

__

_Daiki had no idea what he meant at the time and he didn’t bother trying to figure it out. Sometimes Tetsu seemed to talk in riddles and Daiki had resigned himself to the fact that he was just not smart enough to keep up._

__

_It didn’t matter. Tetsu was right there, warm and solid and **perfect** …_

__

# ****

__

_And now he’s gone._

__

Daiki’s free hand — the one not wrapped around Kagami’s shoulder — flies up to his mouth, muffling the pained little noise that comes out.

__

When they met for dinner, they’d chatted about inconsequential things, staying away from anything to heavy.

__

Daiki had realized then how much he’d missed Tetsu’s company and Tetsu seemed to enjoy Daiki’s in turn.

__

He promised to call again soon and set up another “dinner date.” 

__

He’d called the next week to say hi, telling him he was too busy to see him but just wanted to let him know he hadn’t forgotten. Tetsu’s always been polite like that.

__

That was the last time he spoke to him.

__

The last time he’d ever speak to him.

__

He tries desperately to remember the last word Tetsu said to him. He thinks it was “Aomine-kun.”

__

When his phone rang earlier, displaying Tetsu’s number, Daiki’d been excited, hoping that it meant more time together.

__

Nothing could ever be more wrong.

__

They’d have no more time together.

__

It was well and truly _over_

__

The universe is a cruel bitch.

__

Daiki cries himself to sleep and it should make him feel pathetic, but it doesn’t. He doesn’t care. The only one here to see is Kagami and he’s asleep and they’d already cried all over each other. At some point, you just don’t give a fuck.

__

# ****

__

When Taiga wakes up there’s a hand on his head, in his hair.

__

His first thought is: _that feels nice._

__

His second thought is: _wait, who’s hand is that?_

__

His third thought is: _Oh._

__

The events of yesterday take a few seconds to come back. For just a couple of seconds, he doesn’t remember Kuroko’s dead. Doesn’t remember the pain.

__

He just feels kinda warm and sleepy and wondering until the knowledge falls on him like a brick wall and he puts his hands over his face like that will hold it in.

__

Then he remembers who he’s with.

__

He turns a little.

__

Aomine is asleep, but not soundly. 

__

He can’t have been asleep long; his face is still shinning with the salty remnants of drying tears. Unless he’d been crying in his sleep, which Taiga could believe.

__

He feels bad. Bad for himself, but bad for Aomine too. He’s not stupid enough to believe Aomine didn’t care about Kuroko. Their relationship after Teiko may have been rocky, but even Taiga, with his limited powers of observation, could tell they’d been close friends — _best friends_ — so he won’t pretend he isn’t feeling most of the same pain.

__

_Most_ of it.

__

Aomine didn’t have the _feelings_ for Kuroko that Taiga had. _Has_ if he’s honest. His brain still struggles to understand that he’s gone. But still.

__

He doesn’t move for a while, relishing the bit of comfort that comes from having another body close — a sympathetic one at that. 

__

Aomine wakes up while Taiga’s still laying there staring at the ceiling, thinking about how he saw the sky in Kuroko’s eyes when he looked. That maybe if he squints hard enough, he’ll see the blue sky through the ceiling.

__

But the sky’s not blue today and the ceiling’s concrete. 

__

Maybe it’ll fall.

__

Maybe it’ll kill him.

__

_No, don’t think like that, _he admonishes fiercely. Kuroko wouldn’t want that. He should know better.__

__

“Bakagami,” Aomine mutters.

__

“Ahomine,” Taiga replies with no real annoyance to speak of. 

__

Aomine slowly slogs his way through the same haze of memory that Taiga did just a few moments before. 

__

His face screws up in a pained reflection of Taiga’s own and Taiga doesn’t bother resisting the urge to hold him a little tighter. Rivals be damned.

__

Aomine chokes a little and it’s terrible to watch, because as much as Taiga hates to admit it, he begrudgingly respects Aomine.

__

He’s talented, and he’d be blind _and_ stupid not to acknowledge it. 

__

He envies him just a little. 

__

He’s annoyed by his seemingly endless reserve of natural talent, and his attitude, and just about everything about him. But still, he respects him, more than most people, frankly, but this is a secret he firmly intends to keep to himself for the rest of eternity.

__

Still, now he’s just as broken as Taiga. 

__

“Who else knows?” Aomine asks, voice hoarse and deeper than usual. It shouldn’t be so distracting.

__

“…All of Seirin knows. And you. His family. That’s it. As far as I know.”

__

Aomine sniffs. “So, the rest of us.” Us, meaning the Generation of Miracles Taiga assumes, “Don’t know yet.”

__

“Probably not.”

__

“I should tell them.”

__

Taiga blinks. He wouldn’t want to trade places with Aomine for anything.

__

“Here.” Taiga pulls the phone out of his pocket and hands it to Aomine. “You sure?”

__

“Yeah, but, you gotta tell me what happened.” He says this like he really means the opposite. Taiga understands. He doesn’t want to talk about it, but he forces himself to explain everything in as detached a manner as possible, trying not to get hung up on too many details. 

__

When he’s finished, Aomine’s dark skin looks grey, eyes hollowed out by pain. He takes the phone and stands, abruptly walking out the door and sitting cross-legged on the balcony. Taiga decides to escape to the bathroom. He really doesn’t want to hear any of it anyway.

__

But before he goes he calls, “You hungry?”

__

“No.”

__

“Yeah, me neither, but I think we should eat.”

__

“Yeah.”

__

Taiga stares at Aomine’s back. Aomine stares straight ahead. Taiga kind of wants to go over and hold him, help him through what’s likely to be the worst phone call of his life, but doesn’t. He should try to distance himself, even though every fiber of his being is screaming at him to grab Aomine and fall asleep on the couch with him again. He doesn’t like how eerily comfortable his is with him right now.

__

He sighs. 

__

He’s never been so tired in his life, despite having just woken up, however he forces his legs toward the kitchen, his hands toward the fridge, and his mind towards something, _anything_ away from here.

__


	3. Eyes, Nose, Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay. I've got the whole fic written already, it's just that I've moved into a new apartment and I don't have internet! So I have to be creative in order to get online. That being said, unfortunately (or fortunately?) this is also the shortest chapter. Yeah. Thanks as always for the feedback and kudos. Love you guys! Enjoy!

I’ve been told, one day you’ll know  
Too much of heaven’s a sin.  
After the show, it’s only hell that it brings.  
So take it slow and let time heal everything.  
They say that time flies,  
But you keep breaking its wings.  
You’ll never fade, fade to black  
please fade, fade to black  
but the nightmares come back…

- _Eyes, Nose, Lips_ , Tablo

# ****

“No,” he sobs quietly. “That…that _can’t_ be true…”

“I’m sorry, Kise.”

Daiki lets Kise cry on the other line for a while, murmuring incoherent, half-hearted platitudes when necessary.

Eventually he can’t take it anymore and hangs up without saying goodbye.

Murasakibara hangs up on him. Maybe to avoid having Daiki as a witness to his breakdown; or maybe he just doesn’t believe it.

“That can’t possibly be true,” Midorima says, reasonably. “Kuroko must be fine. There’s been a mistake.”

“He got hit by a car,” Daiki snaps, anger flaring briefly before dying spectacularly quick. 

“There’s been a mistake,” Midorima replies, calmly.

There’s no reasoning with him; there is no _reason_.

Akashi is quiet. His intensity can be felt through the phone. He listens and says nothing until Daiki has stopped speaking. Then seconds tick by, so many that Daiki holds the phone away from him to see if the connection had been lost. 

Then he speaks. “I see,” he says. “Thank you for notifying me.”

Daiki blinks at his lack of inflection. “I-“

“Is there anything else?” Akashi interrupts. And it’s _there_ , just barely. Right in the middle of “else.” The smallest fissure appears in the calm. He’s probably starring off at nothing in his big empty house. Probably trying to _feel_ nothing. It’s _almost_ working. 

“No,” Daiki responds. He’s said all that could be said four separate times. 

He’s exhausted.

“Right…” Akashi says. It sounds hollow, deep as a chasm. 

_Right._

And then he’s gone. 

It gutted Daiki more than he thought possible.

Wasn’t he already hollowed out? What more could he lose? What was left of him? His love of basketball had all but fled him, and Tetsu took what was left.

Daiki wonders stupidly if Tetsu and Daiki’s love of basketball ended up in the same place. They’re both dead, both beautiful, and both too good to be true. He _hopes_ they’re in the same place.

Daiki wanders back outside, sits and leans back against the sliding glass door, closes his eyes as a raindrop hits his nose. He doesn’t move. Doesn’t react as the rain comes pouring down, the sky crying above him, pelting out a sad funeral dirge on the concrete of the balcony.

He feels rather than sees Kagami come outside; swears he actually hears a disturbance in the rain’s song. 

Daiki opens his eyes slowly, rain mixing with tears on his eyelashes, hanging off in droplets perched to fall. He looks up at Kagami and Kagami is staring down at him with his bright eyes duller than he’s ever seen them. It strikes something essential in Daiki; he didn’t realize how much attention he’d paid to those eyes when they zeroed in on him out on the court. How his eyes sparked something long dead in Daiki, that love, that passion, for just a few precious moments…

To see the light gone out is frankly heartbreaking. 

“Did you hear that, Bakagami?” Daiki asks, humorless and flat. Kagami raises an eyebrow half-heartedly. “That was the sound of my heart breaking,” he says, most likely too quiet for Kagami to hear.

Or not, as Kagami sits down in the pooling water on his balcony, already soaking wet, just like Daiki, and sits so close their thighs and shoulders brush, their wet clothes clinging desperately to each other as if _they_ need comfort.

“You look like I feel.” Daiki feels the need to qualify his statement. “Like complete dog-shit.”

“Same to you,” Kagami replies, and it should sound biting, rude (why doesn’t it sound rude?), but it comes out all soft and sympathetic, with these strange curves of understanding and kinship that make Daiki feel two-parts uncomfortable and one-part tingly. He tosses the feeling out because it’s pointless and stupid, just like Kagami. He feels the need to remind himself of this fact.

“We just gonna sit out here in the rain?” Kagami asks. He sounds uninterested in the answer. 

“Yeah,” Daiki replies, just to fuck with him, but frowns when Kagami doesn’t look suitably fucked with.

He just nods. “Ok.”

Daiki scoffs at nothing and leans back again, tipping his head up to the sky. He feels Kagami scoot even closer to him, rest his head on his shoulder.

Daiki is one second away from telling him to fuck off, from getting up and leaving, from calling Kagami every derogatory name he can think of, from screaming his head off, but instead he finds himself closing his eyes and breathing in the sent of Kagami’s wet skin; like light and fire. Salt and brimstone. Burning buildings, warm fires, old metal, and soft things you want to bury yourself in. The opposite of Tetsu.

Maybe.

He hates it.

Maybe.

# ****

Taiga doesn’t know how long he sits there, all he knows is he doesn’t really want to move. 

There’s something about the heat and cold; the heat of Aomine’s body against his at war with the cold of the rain seeping through his clothes, and skin and bones. 

Maybe it’s just distracting and Taiga needs a distraction. That’s probably it. And Aomine is a decent distraction when he really thinks about it. He doesn’t remind him at all of Kuroko. He doesn’t feel like him, or sound like him or look like him or _smell_ like him, and somehow this helps, just a little. Also, he knows they’re in similar boats; tossed by seemingly endless, insurmountable waves of loss.

Taiga breaths out slowly, suddenly having too much energy. He feels like a bow string pulled too taut. He says, “Were you and Kuroko friends again? Or was your number just save because you _used_ to be?”

Aomine glares at him rather scathingly, but Taiga stares back, unaffected. There’s too much pain behind those eyes. “What? We not allowed to talk about him?” Taiga asks seriously. He doesn’t know what else to do. Don’t people talk about their feelings and stuff? Discuss happy times together? _Reminecse._ That’s the word. 

Aomine’s glare falters. He looks away, then back at Taiga. Taiga blinks at his gaze. Even now, it’s powerful, and Taiga wonders dumbly if there’s a lightbulb in his head, illuminating his eyes from within, because Taiga _knows_ eyes don’t shine that brightly. Lightbulb actually seems smarter in the face of it. 

“We were…reconnecting,” Aomine says carefully, or as carefully as he can. His usual, subtle bravado and certainty are lacking from the statement.

Taiga hums in his throat and then coughs, his throat still burning from all the crying. Aomine says nothing, just watches him with the same eyes. 

Taiga blinks at him again. Aomine blinks right back and says, “I thought you were making food.”

Taiga’s eyes widen. “Oh…fuck.”

# ****

Daiki doesn’t _really_ laugh, but he almost laughs, because Kagami really is a Grade ‘A’ Moron.

He sits quietly on the couch, wrapped in Kagami’s obscenely fluffy towels (why would a teenage boy have towels this fluffy?) and watches him throw out the burnt toast, bacon, and eggs, and start again.

Daiki thinks he looks calmer like this; cooking breakfast. He probably welcomes the distraction. Maybe he likes to cook. Daiki’s heard he certainly likes to eat.

Daiki’s eyes wander around the room, really taking in the apartment for the first time. Sparsely decorated, efficient. _Lonely_ , his miserable mind supplies.

Has Tetsu ever been here? Has he eaten here? Did Kagami cook for him? Had he sat in this very spot, chatting with Kagami in the kitchen, maybe watching TV, probably smiling?

Did he smile at Kagami?

Daiki’s train of thought sets his eyes stinging badly. 

He really doesn’t want to cry anymore.

He does anyway.

Kagami catches him, but doesn’t pause or avert his eyes as proper manners would dictate. He sits down and looks at him warily. Then hands him a plate and says “Eat.”

Daiki looks down at his food and back up at Kagami’s face. “I might throw up,” he tells him honestly. His stomach feels like a swamp. Shoving food into it seems like a bad idea.

Kagami shrugs. “Fine.” 

Daiki doesn’t know if he’s saying it’s fine to throw up, or fine to not eat, but he picks at the edge of his toast regardless.

Kagami eats surprisingly fast and doesn’t even seem to taste him food. After a moment of staring intently at his plate he says, “I’ll eat the rest of yours.”

Daiki takes the toast in his hand and hands Kagami the plate of eggs and bacon. He’s pretty sure he can stomach the dry toast alright, and chewing gives him something to do.

“Were you two close? In middle school?” Kagami asks, randomly. Seemingly hellbent on discussing the thing that’s killing Daiki.

“Yes,” he replies.

“What happened?”

“I fucked up.”

“Typical.”

Daiki glares at him, suddenly, _finally_ experiencing an emotion other than pure misery. He’s pissed now. “You don’t understand anything, Bakagami.”

The moron shrugs. “You hurt him,” he says plainly. “That’s all I need to know.”

“I didn’t-“ Daiki pauses, takes a break before continuing. “I didn’t _mean_ too. I’d never hurt him on purpose,” he mutters.

Kagami observes him openly. Daiki doesn’t think Kagami has a sense of shame or a subtle, tactful bone in his body. Everything he does is raw and naked, so bare that Daiki wonders if the guy has any layers to him at all, or if everything is always out for the world to see. “You wouldn’t?”

“Of course not, I-“ Daiki very nearly said something stupid like “I loved him,” but he manages to catch himself. Kagami could never understand what Daiki had felt. Daiki doesn’t understand it himself. “Of course I wouldn’t. He was my best friend.” Maybe Daiki should stop talking before he says something he’ll regret. He’s not emotionally forthcoming, or even emotionally competent really, so talking about his feelings can’t lead anywhere good. 

“He was mine too,” Kagami says in no way in particular.

It still sends a cool spike of jealousy down Daiki’s spine. “He was mine first,” he bites pathetically.

Kagami looks away for the first time in a long while. “Whatever.”

Daiki sniffs once and makes a decision. “I’m leaving,” he announces. He should’ve left ages ago. What’s he still doing here, anyway?

Kagami looks up at him and Daiki’s taken aback by the expression on his face; open, vulnerable, _scared_. He looks away quickly. “Fine,” he says, but it’s forced.

Daiki softens just a little, and puts his hand awkwardly on his shoulder. “We’ll…this will…time will…” he stops.

“We’ll be ok? This’ll pass? Time will heal? You believe any of that shit right now?”

“It’s true, I think.”

Kagami smiles, or maybe sneers. It’s not a pleasant thing. “Right.”

Daiki doesn’t have anything more to say. There’s nothing left. He turns to go.

“Wait. You forgot the phone.”

Daiki had left it on the coffee table. Purposefully. “They gave it to you, not me.”

“What happened to ‘I was his best friend first?’”

Daiki looks at him for too long. His visage ends up burned on the insides of his eyelids. “You were his best friend last.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for anymore delays. I was planning on being very timely and posting a chapter every other day, but the internet situation keeps getting more complicated, so that might not happen. Please, bear with me.


	4. Bad Religion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...it's been a month. I actually have a very legit excuse: I spilled a whole cup of tea on my laptop. Because I'm clumsy. So, yeah. And I still don't have a computer, so this is coming from my iPad. But it's been too long and I feel shitty, so here, have some more sadness (and maybe fluff).

This unrequited love  
To me it's nothing but  
A one-man cult  
And cyanide in my Styrofoam cup  
I could never make him love me  
Never make him love me  
Love me  
Love me

- _Bad Religion_ , Frank Ocean

# ****

The funeral takes place a little over two weeks after his death.

Taiga arrives alone, but soon spots quite a few people he recognizes; teammates, a few classmates, and Kuroko's family, undoubtably.

Just seeing them sends a sharp stab of pain through Taiga’s chest; they look so much like him it hurts.

He spots Hyuga and Riko off to the side, very close, wrapped up in each other and he has to look away. It hurts him in a way he can barely understand.

He forces himself to sit through it. Mostly zoned out. Not really wanting to be there at all, but knowing he’s obligated.

When the ceremony's over, he looks to his right and spots Nigou, and jumps a little, despite himself. He’s cradled in someone’s arms. A girl’s.

Momoi Satsuki’s.

His eyes widen. Hadn’t she liked Kuroko? _Just like me?_ his mind supplies traitorously.

She’s sporting eyes as pink as her hair and a very conservative black dress, considering her shape. She looks miserable and nothing like Taiga remembers her.

Gone is the overly excitably, clingy, curvy girl he had once met and in her place is something frail and broken and almost pitiful. 

It’s awful.

She looks skinnier than he remembers, too. Like she hasn’t been eating.

Kagami stands and moves closer to her (despite the presence of the dog, though even _he_ seems rather subdued, whimpering, perhaps mourning the death of his owner along with all the humans.)

“Momoi,” he says, suddenly realizing he doesn’t know what to follow it up with. 

“Oh, Kagami-kun, right?”

He nods. “How…are you?” he asks.

She blinks down at Nigou for a moment before answering. “I don’t know,” she says.

He nods again. “You haven’t been eating,” he states.

Her eyes narrow, just a little. “Excuse me?” she snaps, sounding annoyed and indignant and _almost_ how he remembers. 

He shrugs. “You look thin.”

“That’s supposed to be a compliment to most girls,” she says, still a bit huffy.

“Not to you. You should eat.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I just can’t. Neither can Dai-chan.” She looks over at Aomine, standing off to the side. The lines in his forehead are deeper than he remembers and his mouth is pulled into a frown. He too, looks thinner.

Taiga sighs. “I’m still eating.”

“Well you don’t know how we feel,” she snaps. “I mean, me. I. You don’t know how _I_ feel.”

Taiga’s not very observant, but her slip up is so obvious, even he catches it. “What do you mean, ‘we?’”

Momoi actually turns a little red at that. “Nothing.”

“I think you meant something.”

“I didn’t!” She looks over at Aomine before turning away quickly. “I didn’t,” she repeats, almost unsure now.

Taiga stares at her. Momoi stares straight ahead, unwilling to say anything more. 

Taiga looks at Aomine, who catches him and glares. 

Taiga walks over to him.

“What do you want, Bakagami?”

“Did you tell Momoi over the phone that day?”

He shakes his head. “No. I felt like I had to tell her in person.”

“Oh.”

“Why didn’t you just tell _me_ over the phone?” Aomine asks.

“I didn’t want to be alone.” Taiga admits reluctantly and looks away. 

Aomine inhales noisily. “What the hell did you say to Satsuki? She almost looks like her old self.”

“I told her she’s too skinny.”

Aomine actually snorts. “That’ll do it,” he mutters. “Doesn’t take much to send that bitch into a hissy fit, even now.”

“She should eat.”

“Not everything can be solved with food, you fat-fuck.”

“Lot of things can,” Taiga snaps, just slightly defensive. “Makes you feel better.”

“Hmph.”

“You should eat too.”

“What are you saying?” Aomine narrows his eyes. 

“That you haven’t been eating.”

“What makes you think that?”

“You’re thinner.” He jerks a thumb in Momoi’s direction. “And she said so.”

“She’s got a big mouth.” He rolls his eyes.

Taiga shrugs. “It’s true.”

“Well you know what? You don’t know how I feel, Bakagami, alright? So will you leave me the fuck alone?”

“She said the same thing,” Taiga growls anger flaring up nastily.

Aomine’s eyes widen a bit. He looks confused, a little lost, maybe a little embarrassed. Maybe. But he shakes it off. “Like I said, she’s got a big mouth.”

“How could you say I don’t know how you feel?!” Taiga yells suddenly. 

Aomine was his best friend, yes. Maybe they were best friends for a little longer, but there was absolutely no way Aomine harbored the same messed up feelings for Kuroko that Taiga had. Aomine couldn’t be that way. _Wouldn’t_ feel that way. Taiga has a hard time even imagining Aomine even being _friends_ with anyone.

He treats Momoi like shit, even though she seems harmless enough. He scowls at everything. He’s unpleasant at best, downright detestable at worst, and seems to do everything in his power to push Taiga’s buttons on the court, and sometimes off. So what gives _him_ the right to say Taiga doesn’t understand? _He’s_ the one who doesn’t understand. He doesn’t even seem to possess the emotional capacity _to_ understand. So how he can stand there and say Taiga doesn’t know how he feels, when Taiga had felt _so fucking much_ for Kuroko? So much stuff he shouldn’t have felt. Stuff it was wrong to feel. Stuff that still follows him around, haunting him and making this _so much worse._

“Because it’s fucking true!” Aomine’s eyes fly wider still.

Taiga grits his teeth. “ _You_ don’t know anything,” he practically hisses. “You don’t know how I feel. _Felt._ Don’t act like _you_ get it.”

“You gotta a lot of nerve-“

“Were you even his friend? Or did you treat him the same way you treat Momoi? The way you treat your team? The way you treat fucking, _everybody_?!”

“Shut up-“

“I’m right, aren’t I? You have no fucking clue.”

“Shut up,” he hisses.

“Don’t tell me I don’t understand,” Taiga continues, gaining more and more angry traction, using his anger to push away the sadness. Using the hate to push away the love. “I understand. I understand it better than you ever could.”

“I loved him!”

…

_That_. That shuts him up.

“What?” He couldn’t have heard that right. Maybe he’d said it himself and he somehow heard it echoed back, because Aomine _couldn’t_ have said that.

“You heard me, Bakagami. _I loved him._ Call me a faggot if you want, but I _did_ , so don’t tell me you know _anything._ ”

Taiga almost starts laughing aloud at that, but it’d be inappropriate considering, where they are. “I don’t fucking believe this.”

This has to be some kind of elaborate joke. There’s no way in hell Aomine was…well there’s no way he could’ve _loved_ him. No way.

But Momoi’s little slip up slides into view. _The way **we** feel._ The uncertainty. 

She knew.

“I don’t fucking believe this,” he whispers, still fighting the urge to chuckle in the face of such extreme, unfathomable irony.

“Well, it’s true and if you tell anyone, I swear to God, I will murder you. I know where you live.” He glances over at Momoi. “That includes her,” he adds.

“She knows,” Taiga says quietly.

“…No, she doesn’t.” But he doesn’t sound completely certain.

“I think she does.” He says simply. “I did, too.”

“Know?”

“Love him.”

Aomine’s stunned into silence and Taiga tries not to feel good about that. He shouldn’t. It’s twisted as hell, but he does, just a little bit. 

He always gets something out of fucking with his rival, even if it’s over the worst thing possible. 

Maybe something’s wrong with him.

Or maybe he’s just so fucking miserable, he’ll use anything and everything as a distraction, including surprising the piss out of Aomine.

Or maybe it just feels good to finally admit it.

Aomine bites his lip in a strangely sheepish gesture. Strange for him at least. “Oh,” he says. “I guess you do know how I feel.”

And it shouldn’t be funny, it really, really shouldn’t, but Taiga starts laughing hysterically and then Aomine starts laughing right along with him until they’re both laugh so hard they’re crying, or maybe it’s the other way around, he’s not sure.

And they get some strange looks shot their way, but they never linger too long. Maybe because there are very obvious tears on their faces, and everyone knows people do strange things when they’re grieving. It’s almost as if it isn’t strange at all.

That somehow makes it funnier. So they laugh some more.

# ****

Daiki kinda thinks it’s a stupid idea, but he goes along with it. The day’s been pretty surreal as it is, what’s a little more surreality?

“I’m not hungry,” Satsuki says for the seventieth time. She’s sitting on Kagami’s floor, in front of the couch, a bit damp from the rain that started falling as soon as they started for Kagami’s place. She’s got one of the world’s fluffiest towels on her head and looks downright pathetic.

“Oh, shut up, Satsuki. I hate to admit it, but Bakagami is right. You need to eat something.”

“But I’m not-“

Kagami brings out a big bowl of faintly sweet smelling curry and white rice so fluffily it resembles freshly fallen snow. “Here.”

Satsuki mumbles, “Maybe I’ll have just a little bit,” and serves herself a generous helping.

Daiki snorts at her. “Fickle bitch.”

“Shut the hell up, Dai-chan.”

“See Bakagami, she gives as good as she gets.” Satsuki slaps him, further proving his point.

Kagami brings out more bowls and utensils. “You’re still a dick,” Kagami says plainly.

“Never said I wasn’t. I’m just saying, she’s a bitch. Guess that’s why we’re friends.”

Kagami joins them on the floor. “Momoi seems nice.”

“You don’t know her.”

“Oh, be quiet, Dai-chan! Can’t you just let Tai-chan compliment me?”

“You’re calling him Tai-chan? What, you guys bestest buddies now?” Daiki’s only slightly offended. Also, vaguely amused.

“Maybe,” Satsuki mumbles through a mouthful of her food. 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, you nasty whore.”

“Dai-chan! You’re so fucking rude!” A few grains of rice fly out of her mouth.

“I know. And you’re so fucking nasty. I’m gonna lose my appetite. And then Bakagami will get mad at us.”

“ _You._ My appetite is fine now, thank you.”

Kagami giggles at them; like, actually _giggles_ like a little girl. 

“What’s so funny, idiot?” Daiki asks, trying not to sound like he wants to giggle along with him. Though he does. The giggling’s very cute.

_Wait. What?_

“You guys. You’re like…siblings or something.”

Satsuki shrugs. “We kinda are.”

“Yeah,” Daiki agrees. But his mind is elsewhere. Mostly trying to figure out how he managed to attach the word “cute” to an attribute of Kagami’s. There must be some sort of disconnect somewhere. Crossed wires perhaps. Sleep is in order, most likely. Sleep and maybe a bit more of Kagami’s curry.

“Hmm, kinda wish I had a sibling. Then again, I kinda did.”

“You did?” Satsuki asks, curiously. 

“Yeah. His name was Tatsuya. He was kinda like an older brother to me back in America. And we bickered, but not like you two.”

“It’s because Satsuki is obnoxious.”

“You’re both obnoxious. And, I don’t know, maybe I am too, but Tatsuya wasn’t really.”

“What was he like?” Satsuki asks.

“He was…calmer. Mostly. Kinda…level headed I guess? And he loved basketball almost as much as I do.”

“Guess we need that,” Daiki mumbles, suddenly miserable.

“What?” Satsuki asks.

“Someone level headed.” The “like Tetsu,” went unspoken but it was clearly heard by all.

They were quiet after that. The blanket of grief poised above them finally descended. Whatever jovial feelings from before had dissipated as quickly as they had appeared. Because for a brief space of time they managed to forget, or if not forget, accept. They were aloud to be happy for a moment, even without him. And maybe that’s what healing is about. 

Learning to exist even in the spaces he used to occupy. Learning to talk about him without crying. Learning to allow themselves to feel happiness knowing that he isn’t here anymore. It would take time, but time's the only thing that can help them now…

Eventually, Satsuki falls asleep, curled into a little ball on the couch, wrapped in the towel. Kagami’s washing dishes in the kitchen when Daiki wanders in.

“You know, I hate to admit it, but I think everyone’s right: we are kinda alike. Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised you felt that way about him,” Kagami says without any buffer at all.

“I’m not having a discussion about my innermost feelings with you, Bakagami.”

“Why not? I’m, like, the only person you can share those with.”

“Why are you so determined to talk about feelings?”

Kagami slams a plate in the rack with more force than necessary. “What the hell else am I supposed to do?” he demands through his teeth. “You can’t just…not talk about it.”

“Sure, I can. I’ve done it for years.” He waves him off.

“He’s dead, Aomine.”

“No shit.”

“You’re like a dam. You’re gonna burst.”

“Brilliant analogy there, Shakespeare.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I. That was genius,” he deadpans. Then he sighs, resisting the urge to rub at his temples or pinch the bridge of his nose like some fucking cliché. “I think your the one who wants to talk, Bakagami.”

“Maybe I do.”

“So talk! I’ll listen.”

Kagami turns the water off. “You will?”

“Yeah, sure. Go ahead. I’ll…well it’s not like I won’t get how you’re feeling or whatever, right?” he offers as kindly as he’s capable. He doesn’t know why he offers this, really, but Kagami looks lost and several years younger and Daiki has this stupid hope that if Kagami tells him how he feels he’ll be able to sort his _own_ feelings out, without having to resort to actually confessing all of them.

“I guess…”

So Kagami talks and Daiki listens, _for a while_ , until he starts talking too, everything comes flowing out free and clear as a river, and somehow they end up talking about all the things they miss about their shadow.

“He used to scare the shit out of me. I mean, I never knew he was there.”

“Same. And that smug little smile he had sometimes?”

“I kinda hated it, but…”

“He was usually kinda justified.”

“ _Usually._ And catching his passes never got old.”

“Oh, fuck no. Everytime it was…well it was perfect. I’ll never forget that feeling.”

“Me neither.”

And they went on like that. And sometimes they laughed. And other times they cried a bit, but it didn’t hurt _quite_ as much. 

And this time they ended up talking themselves to sleep, rather than crying, but they still ended up wrapped up in eachother by the end of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? I'm starved for feedback at this point, good or constructive! And I'll try to get the next one up very soon. Sorry for the delay!


	5. No One's Here to Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait until I got my new computer to post the final chapter, but I had some time. So here it is. I alternate between completely loving this chapter and the ending and patting myself on the back furiously, and loathing it so much I want to print it out just so I can tear it up. I don't know why I have such strong feelings about it, but alas I've decided to post it as it is. Feedback would be so nice! Thank you all for sticking with me for this sadsack of cries.

Here's the pride before the fall  
Oh your eyes they show it all  
I can see it coming, I can see it coming  
As I rise up through each floor  
Shit gets dark when you lose it all  
I can hear it coming, I can hear the drumming

Behind every door is a fall, a fall  
And no one's here to sleep.

\- _No One’s Here to Sleep_ , Naughty Boy

# ****

“Do you think…I mean, do you really think he’d…kill himself?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Aomine groans, still pretty much asleep.

It’s early. And rainy. And quiet. And Taiga can’t be bothered to care that he’s in bed with his archenemy.

“The police seemed to think he might have killed himself. I thought I told you that?”

“Maybe you did…” Aomine mumbles. He rubs at his eyes like a five year old. He’s also very warm. And comfortable. Taiga’s hand is resting on his arm and he should move it, but he doesn’t in favor of just pretending like he doesn’t know know it’s there. “Tetsu wouldn’t do that.”

“…You sound sure.”

“I am sure. Tetsu wouldn’t do that.”

“But do you think…something was bothering him?”

Aomine squints at him and then sighs. “Maybe.”

“Do you think he was…distracted. Maybe I should’ve seen it, maybe I shouldn’t have let him leave, I should’ve-“ he can’t stop the flood. All his fears come rushing out in a torrent, full of angry waves and breaks. He’s been harboring this for the past couple of weeks. The fear that he’s partially to blame. He’s never been able to shake it.

Aomine actually shushes him like a naughty child. “Shut up, Bakgami, that’s not gonna do you any good.”

“But-“

“No,” he snaps firmly. “It’s not your fault. _At all._ Maybe something was on his mind. Maybe he wasn’t paying attention. Maybe he even…well, I’m not saying he killed himself, not purposefully, but, maybe he was hurting. Or maybe it was just a freak accident. I don’t know. And we’ll _never_ know, but you can’t blame yourself. You’ll drive yourself crazy that way.”

“But…” Taiga starts quietly.

“Ssh.” Aomine puts his hand on his cheek and it’s very unexpected and very welcome. Taiga doesn’t move, just lets the warmth seep into him. 

“It’s ok,” Aomine says quietly, almost gently. “You’re ok.”

Taiga nods and scoots closer. Possibly craving more human contact. Probably just wanting to be closer to a sympathetic body. Most likely just wanting to be closer to Aomine.

He doesn’t care and Aomine lets him. 

“You’re ok,” he repeats, stroking his hair. “I can’t believe…shit, I can’t believe you were blaming yourself all this time.”

Taiga says nothing. If he were a cat he’d be purring. He let’s himself feel nothing but Aomine’s fingers in his hair. He should feel guilty, but he doesn’t. He should be surprised Aomine’s doing this…but he’s not.

“Shit,” Aomine says again.

And then he stops talking, but he doesn’t move away. If anything, he moves in closer and Taiga thinks he smells nice.

And then he falls back asleep.

# ****

Daiki watches Kagami sleep just long enough to make certain that he’s not gonna wake up again anytime soon.

Or so he tells himself. 

He untangles himself from Kagami’s long limbs and sneaks out of his bedroom. 

He’s not entirely sure how he got there in the first place. 

When he reaches the living room he’s met with Satsuki’s raised eyebrow as she looks at him over the top of a mug of something hot.

“Good morning, Dai-chan.”

“Don’t start.”

She might be smirking behind the mug. “I didn’t say anything.”

“I know that tone. Don’t. Start.”

She sighs loudly, sounding very exasperated and it actually makes Daiki feel a bit better, because though he’d never, _ever_ admit it to her face, he was actually very worried about her these past couple of weeks. But it looks like maybe the idiot was right: a warm meal really could work wonders. Not that he’d ever admit that either.

“I’m glad,” she say poignantly and follows up with nothing else.

“Glad? What the fuck do you have to be glad about?”

“You have someone you can talk to,” she says. “And cuddle with.” She’s _definitely_ smirking now.

“I told you not to start.”

“It’s good.”

“Please, Satsuki. Seriously. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” He could not, would not have this conversation, because he knows where it’s leading and he doesn’t like it not one bit because he knows, a tiny, microscopic part of him is feeling… _something_ for the idiot, and he’s in absolutely no mood to try and suss that out with Satsuki. 

Not after coming clean about Tetsu. 

Tetsu has to be the only one. The only _guy_ he ever likes, because then he can remain the freak exception to the rule. Then he can still call himself straight. Because there is an exception to every rule; Daiki is willing to concede that. 

As long as Tetsu is the only one.

Kagami chooses that moment to come out of his room, bed head worse than Daiki would’ve imagined, rubbing his eyes, yawning, and oh yeah, shirtless, and mumbles “Where’d you go?” in a sleep raspy voice that has no business being sexy, but is, against all odds.

“Uh, nowhere?”

“You coming back?” he asks in that same voice.

Daiki means to say “No.” He pronounces it wrong. “Yes.”

“‘kay.”

And then he turns around and goes back into his room, leaving the door ajar. And Satsuki is staring him down and he doesn’t have to energy anymore to shut her up.

“Please, just don’t,” he nearly pleads, utterly exhausted by the realization that, yes, he’s kinda, very attracted to the idiot and has been for too long. 

“I didn’t say anything,” she replies.

# ****

Now, Taiga feels dirty. 

He knows that they’re not actually doing anything. And he also knows he never actually had anything with Kuroko either, but it still feels kinda wrong.

Like some kind of betrayal.

Even though Aomine’s just absentmindedly rubbing his back and staring out the window while Taiga stares at him.

He knew that first night that he was comforted by him.

Aomine reminds him so much of himself sometimes it’s frankly terrifying. But he’s also so different. 

Sharper, like a steel blade whereas Taiga’s a bit more of a blunt instrument. They’re both dangerous though, and everyone knows it.

Kuroko wasn’t like that, though. He was softer, mostly. He had a cool fire in him, but he kept it well hidden. 

Is it just the need for comfort in a difficult time that’s got Taiga so desperate for Aomine’s touch, or is it something else? Maybe it’s both.

Taiga sighs.

“What?” Aomine asks.

“Nothing, just thinking.”

“Stop it, you’ll hurt yourself.” 

Taiga flicks him on the forehead. “You’re such a dick.”

“Yeah, but you’re the one who wanted me to stay.”

“I know…”

Aomine sighs. Taiga feels it on his face and probably flushes a little. He hopes it isn’t too obvious. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re thinking about us aren’t you?”

Taiga’s eyes widen, shocked by Aomine’s bland tone. “I-“

“I know you are.”

“Well…” Taiga sighs. Might as well talk. “Is this…wrong?”

“We’re not doing anything, Bakagami.” The way he says “Bakagami” somehow sounds…almost affectionate, and Taiga smiles completely against his will.

“I know, Ahomine. But…still.”

“Do you wanna do something?”

“What?!” Taiga wasn’t expecting that. Not at all.

“Lets kiss.”

“What? Why?”

“Because, I wanna kiss you,” he says.

“You want a distraction,” Taiga counters.

“Maybe. Maybe I’m curious.”

“I…” he should say no, but…isn’t he curious too? Doesn’t he want to know if what he’s feeling is real? And Aomine is _offering_ it. Shouldn’t he? Just to know? 

But he keeps thinking of Kuroko. Keeps thinking about all the things he felt for him and how he never said anything, never did anything, only just admitted it recently. 

“Do you think he’d be mad?” Aomine asks as if reading his thoughts.

“What?”

“If we kissed.”

“I…” Well, he can’t imagine him being mad about it. If anything, he’d be happy. If anything he’d be glad is two best friends got along. But…this? Kissing’s a little much. Besides Taiga’s never kissed anyone before. This would be his first, but he can’t deny that he wants to…

“One kiss,” he says.

Aomine nods and licks his lips. Taiga’s eyes follow his tongue when it darts out of his mouth.

“One kiss,” he whispers.

Taiga doesn’t have time to think before Aomine’s lips cover his. 

# ****

_He knew the way they looked at him. Couldn’t look the same way, though sometimes he wished he could._

_He saw the way he smiled at him. Scratched the back of his head sheepishly, ruffling short navy hair; a little oafish. Limbs still too long for his body. But he’d grow into them someday. His steely blue eyes had a habit of turning soft when they were on him, so he gentled his eyes too, trying to convey what he wanted to feel._

_But didn’t._

_Tried again, this time finding his reflection in red, bright eyes. A little wild. Sometimes harsh, but when they looked at him, they too, turned soft. And he tried to be soft too._

_But couldn’t._

_He wanted to feel so much more and didn’t know how._

_He hadn’t really been thinking of that then._

_Hadn’t been thinking much of anything then._

_He wasn’t looking where he was going. Eyes blurry._

_And he didn’t feel it._

_Not really._

_He was there and then he wasn’t._

_He just remembered, before he wasn’t there anymore, wishing he’d said a better goodbye. To _both_ of them. Perhaps he should have said yes to dinner after all._

_And he should’ve called one more time._

_He thought, _oh, well.__

_And never thought again._

# ****

Daiki doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t as nice as this.

Kagami’s lips are warm and wet and he’s surprisingly loose against him, letting him do what he wants. And it feels so, so nice. 

He feels dizzy.

He coaxes Kagami’s mouth open and he obliges willingly, and Daiki starts exploring the inner corners of his mouth, around his bottom lip, his tongue, finding all sorts of new ways to make this _nicer_.

He makes a particularly sweet, languid journey around his mouth and Kagami moans a little, the sound vibrating into Daiki’s mouth and he wants _more_ of that.

Kagami digs his blunt fingernails into his scalp and he wants more of that too. And more of _everything_ about him. More Kagami. He’s almost overwhelmed with it. Maybe it’s the grief behind the wheel. Maybe something more; all he knows is he needs more, closer, harder, faster, and _now_.

He pulls away slightly. “Kagami,” he breaths.

“What?”

“Can we keep going?”

“You said one kiss…”

Daiki frowns. “Tell me you don’t want more.”

“Without lying?”

Daiki actually snickers. “Without lying.”

“Can’t.”

“Didn’t think so.”

He goes back to it and Kagami gets more involved, braver, and it’s very sexy. 

Clothes come off, because that seems to be the only logical course of action at the moment, and Kagami is so, so warm. And not quite his height, but broader than him and it turns him on even more for some reason.

Kagami kisses him with longing, and sadness, and affection too. Somehow it’s all mixed up together in a big messy tangle and it shouldn’t feel this good, but it does. Blindingly so.

Daiki doesn’t like to throw the word “need” around. He wants things, sure, but needs little.

He _needs_ this. Needs Kagami, like he needs air and food and to stop sinking in the pain.

Kagami’s pulling him back up to the surface kiss by kiss, movement by movement, stroke by stroke. 

And Daiki bites him a few times. Kisses where he bites. Leaves scratches on his back and Kagami does the same until he forgets why he’s doing this in the first place.

And when they’re done, Daiki still doesn’t _quite_ remember. When they’re done he’s not sure if he feels guilty or not. 

All he feels is Kagami’s sticky, sweat cooled skin, and feel the prickle of his hair against his neck. And he doesn’t care about anything at all. 

And Tetsu wasn’t the only exception.

He doesn’t know whether that hurts or not, yet.

# ****

He’s got a hickey on his neck that can’t be perceived as anything other than what it is, so he’s already trying to come up with excuses for why he has it. 

It is only saturday though. Maybe it’ll fade by monday morning.

Hopefully.

Aomine comes up behind him, still naked and pokes at his neck.

“Sorry,” he says like he isn’t sorry at all.

Taiga rolls his eyes. “No, you’re not.”

“No, I’m not.”

Taiga sighs and leaves the bathroom, flopping down on the bed face first, still not bothering to put on clothes.

Aomine crawls in next to him and asks “Do you regret it?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Me neither.”

“I liked it, though,” Aomine says.

“Yeah, me too.”

“I think I like guys.”

“Same.”

Aomine sighs. “Everything is shit,” he says.

Taiga doesn’t reply. There’s nothing to say to something as existential as “Everything is shit.”

“Do you…wanna do this again. Maybe?” Taiga asks. And he sounds a bit too hopeful, even to his own ears.

“Yes.”

“What do you think _he_ would say?”

“‘Be sure to use a condom when having intercourse, Aomine-kun, Kagami-kun.'"

“Yeah, he would,” Taiga smiles and almost cries. Aomine does too.

“He’d also probably say ‘Please stop crying on my behalf.’”

“He would. He’d hate that. All of us crying over him. He’d be kinda embarrassed by it. He’d feel bad.”

“Can’t help it.” Aomine pauses. “You know, I don’t think the way I feel about you changes what I felt about him. I think we’re gonna have to learn to accept that,” he says rather wisely, all considered.

Taiga stares at him for a long time. “How _do_ you feel about me?”

“I don’t know, yet. But we’ve got an opportunity he never had; we get to find out. We get to live our lives. Let’s not waste it.”

“He’d say something like that.”

Taiga smiles and does cry a little.

“Yeah, he would.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when I'll be back with more fanfiction. This semester is hella busy. I got four english classes! (and one gender/race/sexuality studies class). I might be adding some chapters to "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark," sometime in the near future. And I do have a lofty idea for a crossover fic that might happen. We'll see. Hope to see you soon, and thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for reading and leave a comment if you are so inclined!


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